Teresa May’s Brexit Plan Is Just Going Fine, Thank You, How Are You?
We all know that Brexit is clearly the will of the UK voters. There was a referendum and everything! Yeah, I guess it turned out that the vote was influenced by a bunch of frankly dishonest advertisements. Oh, and people might not have understood what Brexit really was. Or what the EU was, for that matter. Yeah, and maybe polls taken today suggest significant opposition to the plan. But we voted once, and the Leave contingent will be damned in they’re going to hold another vote! They won the first time, and they will thank you very much for keeping your Remain mouth firmly shut, sir.
In her flawless execution of what is clearly the mandate of the voters, Teresa May has made absolutely no mistakes. She has been utterly flawless, a paragon of perfection for all other elected officials to strive for. Now please stop asking about Brexit thank you. It’s going great! Just perfectly. There’s definitely no way that she’s ruining it utterly by basically being a giant jerk.
Britain’s Storied History of Subpar Negotiations
If Teresa May was negotiating with the Irish, things would have gone very differently. They’d probably have got Wales and the Isle of Mann in the divorce settlement, for one. North Ireland would be but a fever dream of British loyalists, and all of Ireland would rejoice in its unity.
May at the Potsdam conference would be similarly disastrous. She would have found a way to cut Britannia out completely from the post-war cultural battle to take place throughout the Cold War. And likely surrendered a huge portion of the Easter Bloc to Soviet control. Oh wait, that’s exactly what happened? Churchill was replaced mid-negotiation in a vote that clearly chose the best course of action for Britain, just like the Brexit vote? And they surrendered all of Poland to Soviet control as a bargaining chip, forcing untold suffering on a people who represented some of the West’s strongest allies while getting virtually nothing in return? Well, she couldn’t have done that much worse, then.
Yes, Britain has been utterly failing in negotiations for years. You might consider it to be something of a national identity. The English are always excited to tell you that they’re a modest people, never wanting to make a scene or draw accolades upon themselves. So perhaps their national history of failure in negotiations is something that British citizens have meekly accepted, unwilling to indicate their upset because “they wouldn’t want to make a fuss.” And so the circle is complete, utterly self-fulfilling and requiring no maintenance to perpetually spin.
Better still, it seems that few people really care about this problem. It’s almost as if a number of the British citizenry don’t really understand what’s going on and are too busy shaking their fists at refuges to think about it. The ones that do seem to care seem loathe to speak up and draw attention to themselves. So the cart of the British economy barrels downhill, smashing Scotland and Ireland as it careens wildly. Because the occupants are too timid to possibly complain about their circumstances, they seem to take the bumps in good humor when they should be wringing someone’s neck.
Soon, Britain will be an island in more ways than one. Despite the clear desires of the citizens and the utter incompetence of Teresa May, things will bungle along, not bad enough for a revolt but not good enough to impress anyone either.
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